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Learning Game WAY faster

March 27, 2013

What does the community tell you to do first (besides read ‘The Game‘ or ‘Mystery Method Handbook’)?  Go out there and do 1000 approaches!  Focus FIRST on approach anxietyYou will learn faster if you approach more.

This is WRONG.

It seems logical — it’s the first part of approaching a girl, so it’s the first part to learn.

But it is WRONG. Focusing on being able to approach is one of the last things you should be getting good at.  It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be approaching…. but you shouldn’t be allowing approaching to be the bottleneck in your process.  As I will show you, you should be bolstering other, major parts of your game in diversified ways, rather than waiting until you can make it through the approach.  You can learn dominance, social vibing, etc… in MANY more ways than simply talking to a hot girl.

If you are sitting at your computer playing games all day  and then on Fridays and Saturdays running sets only on girls you would potentially like to have sex with , then you are taking the long way.  You can be learning good social vibing and dominance by hanging out with guys slightly cooler than you are during the week, or by talking to strangers that you have zero attraction to — even older men, women, and yes, even fat girls.  You can be practicing flirting by hanging out with a girl that you are already firmly in the ‘friend zone’ with.  It’s not like the hot girl you approach has some magically different appreciation of the world than 98% of the population. A cool guy is a cool guy. A hot girl just has a higher expectation for the dominance of a man they will have sex with. That is a small adjustment that will come quickly after you have a solid foundation in ‘being cool’.

I just finished reading a FANTASTIC book called ‘Running Lean‘.  It is a book about how to effectively start your own company, and it isn’t just spectacular, it is mind-blowing.

The guy who told me about it started his company in 2011 and is already making $5.3 million in revenues (as of March 2013). That was enough to get my attention :)

Here’s where it ties into pick-up. You see, most people start a company by getting it all together, and then finally launching. But in fact, the best way is to repeatedly and quickly test the most valuable information at the lowest cost — it’s the reason that so many bands have great first albums, and then their second one sucks…. they got to test and edit those songs in front of audiences for years until they were perfect.

What is approaching a girl for 10 seconds going to teach you? What is approaching 1000 girls and talking to all of them for 10-60 seconds going to teach you? Very Little. If you wait until you are able to get through the approach stage first, for approach anxiety to disappear, you are delaying learning what is the most important part of game — understanding social vibing.

But because approach anxiety grabs so much emotional attention, it’s all we can focus on. But AA is only maybe 3% of game, once you are good.

Running Lean shows us we must focus on what characterizes the biggest determinant of success.

Approaches or AA is not the biggest determinant of success in pick-up —  the biggest determinant of success is actually Social Vibing. 50% of your whole set will be Vibing. How much Vibing practice do you get when you are getting blown out in 10 seconds all night? Not much. Being able to vibe well opens up WAY more opportunity to learn, because your interactions will last much longer.

You can easily practice vibing, and at a cheap price — no approaches, no covers, no loud music.  When you are hanging out with your guy friends, or people at work, or the old lady at the laundromat, you are vibing. Look at ALL that practice you are getting. Right now, you probably don’t even analyze it — it’s not a hot girl, so thus its unimportant right? Wrong. Unlike creating sexual tension, being able to vibe well is an international language.  What if you started analyzing what was happening, how the vibe was being tweaked and shifted?  What if you started noticing who had Judgment Authority and who was Pushing the Burden?  Now you are getting 300 times as much practice every single day. Without having to approach an ounce, you are now learning to read what creates high social status and how to be emotionally in-touch with others without having to practice with a hot girl.

Then, when it comes time to approach, guess what? 50% of the  solution is already in place. You don’t get blown out and immediately you can just immerse into the vibe. Is your game perfect?  … of course not. But now you are getting 10 times the amount of practice inside the set. Now other girls are seeing you talking to other girls for longer and getting interested, and  you can start focusing on the solution to things that are actually girl specific.

So many times, we are so linear — “the only way to get better with girls is to approach girls and to analyze what is happening with girls.” But that is bullshit.  Of course, there are somethings that are being-with-a-girl specific — the approach, going for make-outs, bounces, the creation of sexual tension. But approximately 60-70% of it is completely common to other social situations — girls DO after all tend to choose high status men that vibe well. Things that are in common include — dominance, having the authority, not chasing, allowing others to think what they want, focusing on the vibe, etc… You can massively improve your practice in all of these in other social situations without having to approach a single girl at all.

The difference is focusing on what information is going to bring you the closest to the solution. 50% of what creates a successful set is good Vibing, maybe 20% is creating good sexual tension using two-dimensional push/pull, another 15 % is handling logistics, another 5% is escalation, another 5% building comfort, 3% is the approach and transition, and 2% is miscellaneous.

Using this — what skills should you be focusing on? Where should you be prioritizing learning?

The most emotionally relevant ones are the approach, and escalation. But how much knowledge does it take to learn these? How much time?  Not much. How often do you get the opportunity to practice these?? Again, not much.

So if you wait to practice the last 90% of what is important only based on the slim opportunities that being good at the other 10% give you, it is going to be a LONG, HARD slog to the finish.

Am I saying not to approach? Not a chance, the whole approach and transition phase is a critical part of your game. But what I am saying is don’t depend on successful approaches to be the only door through which you are learning how to run game. It should be 10% of your practice. The other 90% should be you talking to normal people in your day and developing a good personality and ability to emotionally connect with people (vibing).  Hot girls are not THAT different from the general population… if you are a cool guy with the rest of the world, you already have the 80% solution with hot girls. Compare this to the guy that waits until a decent girl accepts his approach to start testing out theories — it is going to take him A LOT longer to learn.

So how do you do it? 

First, reprioritize based on a combination of Importance and Availability of Practice. Vibing well with complete strangers is both extremely important, and there is plentiful opportunities to practice it.  Creating sexual tension is next in Importance, but the Availability to Practice is much less. Hang around some uglier girls until you get better at it, analyzing what exactly behind the scenes is causing that tension to be there. How is it gained, how is it lost?   Logistics hardly need any practice, just studying at home.  Together, being good at all of these will provide you PLENTIFUL opportunities to practice escalation, comfort building, and will show you just how little the approach actually matters.

I am still a firm believer that the best way to learn is to have a good coach with a solid, concise, framework that can help you see the big picture well before you go in — there is no way a newb can know what information he needs the most to bring him closest to his goal fastest. This allows you to see and interpret what is happening and get off on the right foot with your analysis and review. That doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be out there running approaches… but it that it shouldn’t be his primary source of calibrated learning.

Here, I have given a very very basic model, but a guy with good skill can break it down clearer than this. I personally am able to get a guy really good in about 2 months time, if he is focused, simply because I can show him where to direct his attention. Most of the time, we don’t even spend in set — I train him to read social situations and what is happening in my sets first, so he is mentally sharp first. Then when he finally goes ‘live’, he is already off to a HUGE head start. He may have AA, but his interactions are going to go well and so he will feel good. He can see what is happening because he has been practicing seeing it happen in other environments well before. He can read and sense a vibe, understand what people are thinking and feeling, and can read social status. All he has to do is start to learn the female specific parts of the interaction, the last 30%. And he’s going to have a TON of practice, now that the first 70% is there.  That first 70% gives you the ability to learn as you go, to add more content to the game once the initial concept has been established as effective.

Unless you have a guy that knows what the end solution looks like, it will be hard to know exactly where to focus the largest amount of your effort. The obvious answer is ‘not on the approach’. However there is a lot of information only with someone experienced can clue you in on and give you the analytical framework to rapidly improve.  That’s what I’m here for… feel free to reach out.

lartistesocial@yahoo.com

2 Comments
  1. Laowai permalink

    Howdy, I find your ideas for training your skills for social vibing super interesting, which is the reason I took notice of your blog and am checking in again.

    I’ve been in the game for 4.5 years, have approached thousands of girls, and consider myself upper intermediate. I’ve been trained by four international names in PU, yet none of these talented people have ever addressed vibing enough or even offered a good step-by-step breakdown.

    Whenever I go on a date and I don’t get to meet the girl again, it’s typically because the vibe is completely off. Whenever a girl leaves a conversation with me when I’m gaming it’s because we “fail to connect”… in other words, I fail to establish a vibe with her that allows for me to build a deeper connection with her. – It’s more challenging to jump into deep comfort without having light comfort established.

    When I do find myself vibing with others, or when I see others do it, it gets down to people mirroring each other while mainting or slowly increasing the energy of the interaction. When I vibe with my male friends it usually gets down to either one of us telling a joke, the other person tells another joke, and it becomes an enjoyable dance on words that is difficult for outsiders to enter. If they try and fail, their social value drops immediately.

    As it comes to vibing with girls, it creates at the same time light comfort and attraction. You’re displaying that you’re calm, that you’re socially savvy, you’re saving her from awkwardness, and by DHV’ing this way you easily create attraction at the same time. It truly is a social glue.

    Succesful vibing, as I currently understand it, requires people to be quick-witted, which is best obtained when one is relaxed. This is one of the great challenges for vibing as applied in unfamiliar social circles or while gaming, when your AA or possibly low self-esteem will mess with your confidence and your relaxed state,

    Indeed, one of the reasons that I oftentimes let AA have the better of me is not the fear of getting rejected; I couldn’t care less by being rejected by a stranger on the street, but I DO feel nervous about getting into a potentially awkward situation, which is partly caused by my failing to establish a vibe soon enough.

    When that is said, I find that I cannot vibe at will or I would be getting laid way more. Therefore it would be awesome if you could write a detailed post with a solid, step-by-step breakdown of vibing – vibing with girls, vibing with guys, heck, even non-verbal vibing, and vibing with old people. Vibing will bind them to you!

    I haven’t seen any post anywhere on the net that offers a convincing definition and breakdown for succesful vibing, and I used to follow a number of PU blogs in the past. It would be great if you could be the dude who wrote that post : )

    Thanks, man. I’ll keep an eye on your blog in the future!
    – Laowai

    • First, I must commend you for having the insight on this issue, that alone tells me you are indeed pretty advanced already. It also tells me that you have matured in your game to the point that you are finally having a simplified ‘flow’ rather than trying to remember and process 300 different little tactics together like beginners-low intermediates do.

      It’s interesting that you have requested this article, because it’s exactly what I have been cooking up lately. Except that it is a little more encompassing… including the battle between logic and emotion, and the differences in vibe in the game world and the work world.

      The very fact that you are even aware of the symptoms is pretty remarkable, but this article I am writing will be focused on and help you understand the causes of the symptoms. For example, the reason you have a hard time vibing at will is because you are stuck in logical mode (a very very common phenomenon) and that means that at some basic level you are ‘interfacing’ with the game, that you are on the chessboard with a goal… the opposite is complete, unbridled expression, with the only goal instantaneous emotional expression. It’s the difference between a straight line, and a squiggly line. The second simply follows emotion to emotion, whereas the logical one is attempting to synthetically create emotions, to synthetically express, as a means of reaching a goal.

      Basically, the vibe gets ‘killed’ whenever somebody comes in with a goal, with a motive, other than pure, instant expression.

      The other half I will be writing about is game vs work world. In game, its all about pure expression and just holding on to it. However, have you ever noticed that the more expressive a person is in the work world, the more people feel that they can judge them? This is especially true for leadership… if the leader cracks jokes and is personable, people may LIKE him, but they will at the very same time also be inclined to see him as weaker, unprofessional and not a good leader — even though that EXACT same personality in the bar would make him the natural leader.

      The work world is grounded in logic, and the game world in emotion. It seems like hypocrisy, but it really is just two modes that your brain goes into. Women definitely have the upper hand, they can switch very easily. Men, however, often never understand the emotional world, or once they do, they have difficulty switching in and out. This switching problem is actually and article that I have half written at this point, and you will be seeing soon.

      Thanks again for following my blog and definitely keep the dialogue open, that’s how I get ideas for future articles!

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